Friday, December 31, 2010

A New Year's Eve!

5...4...3...2….1! Its new year, 2011 is here finally!

2011, with new hopes for some and resolutions for others.

Life lightens up for some or shines for others…but have you ever thought that for some it’s just another night which gets darker and gloomier with every passing second. For some its sheer obscurity with a tinge of salt from the tears they cry…the tears for the regrets they have earned, the tears which they cry with a hope to fade away the memories of 2010!

For some the beginning of a New Year is overshadowed by the ‘ending of 2010’. When others dance to their tunes and dream for the future, others just live in their past and sacrifice their future for the sake of repentance.

31st december 12:00 am, the moment when the whole world is in a state of ecstasy!

It’s difficult for you to imagine this moment as a flash of sadness with crippled emotions of anger, fury and melancholy for someone out there. Someone who maybe seems fine with a perfect smile to entertain the acquaintances…someone who hides her mourning just the way ‘the happy world’ would want it.

But, just wish that the new year brings that someone a chance to explore something soothing enough to appease the ulcers on her soul…and give the fortune to find someone who could gauge not only the apparent comfort rather the internal anguish which gets deeper and darker with every moment that passes by!!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Baggage!

Imagine waking up in the middle of the night by hearing what you just said out loud ‘unknowingly’ while you were asleep….

No it doesn’t imply that you are a ghost or you are a maniac! Then what is it? Is it the shrillness of your voice or the amplitude of its frequency? Is it the doors stumbling behind your back or the windows just shattered? ……Its none of those too..

It’s more the web of thoughts in your brain which crunches your power to relax, your mind is grumbling and regurgitating the events that just passed by.

People call me self obsessed, self conceited or sometimes psychic but I’m hundred percent sure that we all are that at one place or point in our life.

Everything in my life seems to be jumbled up in a big baggage lying at the corner of my mind. This baggage as heavy as the white whale in a small canal can move the world around you with a mere movement. It leaves no opportunity to exploit your thoughts and hinder your every step. The moment you are about to have fun or make a decision, the worst memory of your life will come up and destroy it all!

Making new friends? And the baggage would show you your worst friendship disasters…spending time with friends? What about the parents you left at home?, the baggage strikes again!...the moment you realize that yes you are meant to have fun is the moment reality shows you the biggest mistakes you have ever made.

People say ‘Learn from your mistakes’ but all that it gives me is; regret, sorrow, embarrassment and a refreshed feeling of humiliation. I thought of myself as a highly practical, emotionless rather ruthless, selfish, fun loving and manipulative modern woman. A woman of substance and pure diligence! But I ended up realizing that I’m just the opposite. Exact opposite, I get impractical when it comes to my mom, I get literally mindless when I decide the payoffs and yes I cry too!..i cry on tiny things like falling on the ground and I value little moments like my mom’s message or my sister’s chocolate as if I’m like just another emotional fool. And the word fun doesn’t even exist in my dictionary since I’m never satisfied with the present condition and I always think and repent for what I could have done.

Sometimes my mind get so pumped that I lose the capacity to control the words popping out of my mouth. I speak things which are irrelevant or rude or ambiguous..but it seems like my mind actually exploded those words out! Asleep or awake, this trauma never ends and I speak whatever comes to my mouth.

Control it or hide it, the baggage always makes its way through to express, annoy and exploit!No it doesn’t imply that you are a ghost or you are a maniac! Then what is it? Is it the shrillness of your voice or the amplitude of its frequency? Is it the doors stumbling behind your back or the windows just shattered? ……Its none of those too..

It’s more the web of thoughts in your brain which crunches your power to relax, your mind is grumbling and regurgitating the events that just passed by.

People call me self obsessed, self conceited or sometimes psychic but I’m hundred percent sure that we all are that at one place or point in our life.

Everything in my life seems to be jumbled up in a big baggage lying at the corner of my mind. This baggage as heavy as the white whale in a small canal can move the world around you with a mere movement. It leaves no opportunity to exploit your thoughts and hinder your every step. The moment you are about to have fun or make a decision, the worst memory of your life will come up and destroy it all!

Making new friends? And the baggage would show you your worst friendship disasters…spending time with friends? What about the parents you left at home?, the baggage strikes again!...the moment you realize that yes you are meant to have fun is the moment reality shows you the biggest mistakes you have ever made.

People say ‘Learn from your mistakes’ but all that it gives me is; regret, sorrow, embarrassment and a refreshed feeling of humiliation.

I thought of myself as a highly practical, emotionless rather ruthless, selfish, fun loving and manipulative modern woman. A woman of substance and pure diligence! But I ended up realizing that I’m just the opposite. Exact opposite, I get impractical when it comes to my mom, I get literally mindless when I decide the payoffs and yes I cry too!..i cry on tiny things like falling on the ground and I value little moments like my mom’s message or my sister’s chocolate as if I’m like just another emotional fool. And the word fun doesn't even exist in my dictionary since I’m never satisfied with the present condition and I always think and repent for what I could have done.

Sometimes my mind get so pumped that I lose the capacity to control the words popping out of my mouth. I speak things which are irrelevant or rude or ambiguous..but it seems like my mind actually exploded those words out! Asleep or awake, this trauma never ends and I speak whatever comes to my mouth.

Control it or hide it, the baggage always paves its way through to express, annoy and exploit!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Intensity of Passion can exterminate your Soul...

Let not the coldness, sharpness or stiffness of a person fool you…every person, either as sharp as a brutal knife or as fragile as block of sand, has an inspirational figure in his or her life. This figure not only inspires him to breathe and live rather it can explain the meaning of life to him without saying a word. Mere presence of this figure leads to a surge of motivation, an electrical surge to stand up for whatever his motives are.

Some might assess this as a figure who is your partner in life but I would strongly negate this fact. It could be anyone, anyone from your mother to your neighbor, from your wife to your paper boy…anyone who inspires you to live and feel the soul within you!

But when the inspiration ignores your existence or doesn’t acknowledge your feelings…. it hurts. Have you ever imagined a scenario where this enlightening being not only ignores rather brutally negates your emotions?

You’re so helpless when your admiration is perceived as a source of pain & your expressions considered as cold as the frozen dead body kept in the refrigerator since its presence can terrify the near ones!!!

In the beginning you try and try harder to rectify and appease the situation but alas! Every attempt you make renders another mistake which is bigger….. Till, a time comes when all your efforts and hopes are crushed like rusty leaves crushed by ruthless pedestrians!

Why people see the expressions on your face or take your coldness as hatred? Why the world belittles the meanings behind small gestures?

They all can see the unemotional nature of a person but can’t understand the intensity of passion underneath that! Some people born with the inability to express are also born with the ability to love someone to the extreme… but why they exaggerate the former and ignore the latter!

One can survive if it’s the world who misinterprets your coldness as hatred….but the soul fades away if it’s the one who inspires you!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

United We Stand..Divided We Fall!


All the news channels and media sources are bombarding the audience with the spot-fixing scandal and involvement of Pakistani cricket stars in it. We see people from within and across the borders loathing and detesting this act of Pakistani cricketers, without any confirmation of the evidences.

Pakistani cricket team was the only custodian of a positive image of Pakistan and Pakistanis in the international scenario. People and even other cricket stars admired our talented fast bowlers and inspirational boom boom sixers. We as a team maintained a certain level and despite of our ‘some unexpected performances’, our stars and team was always considered a top class team which had the capacity to beat the world’s top class team with its young lads. But this spot fixing scandal has not only ruined the international image of Pakistan but has also crushed the dim rays of hope of all Pakistanis.

Spot-betting and match fixing scandals are not new to the world, every team except a few gifted ones has tasted this humiliation. But nevertheless, the humiliation has been escalated to sheer degradation for the Pakistani team! Why is this so? Why this scandal has which is still unproved, open to criticism by all?

I reckon this gibberish criticism and hatred speeches by people across the borders are a result of our inner weakness. Our core is not strong enough to support their players in such issues. Whenever such an issue has been raised the respective country’s cricket board and media has taken measures to suppress the matter with as minimum allegations as possible.

Let’s take an example of India, a country known for its gambling and spot-betting industry. An estimate shows that India generates revenue of US$ 1 billion from big matches. In 2008, former Indian federation President Inderjit Singh Bindra himself admitted that the budding gambling and match fixing problems in India can only be solved by legalizing gambling.

Keeping these facts in mind, let’s review the consequences when Indian cricketers faced the allegations of match-fixing. Ajay Jadeja and Mohd. Azharuddin were not only accused of match fixing but evidence of call records and illegal transactions left nothing to prove their innocence. Ajay & Azharuddin had contacts with a number of bookies e.g. Uttam Chand, Shubhan Mehta who offered them handsome money. Despite of all these facts, ICC was unable to take any legal action against these Indian cricketers and wasn’t able to arrest or perform legal charges in court. This wasn’t because ICC had a personal preference for these cricketers rath

er the Indian cricket board was strong enough to take a stand and solved the matter with care. They neither created mellow dramatic documentaries loathing their own cricketers nor did they allow any other country to barge in their matter. Minimizing the charges, both cricketers were separated with respect and hence we see Ajay Jadeja as a cricket expert of NDTV and coaching domestic cricket teams for tournaments.

Now, coming to the case of Pakistan, let’s review the stance taken by PCB, our media and the government to protect our image. Pakistani cricketers when accused and blamed to be a part of this scandal tried to seek refuge and help from their Government and PCB. But as expected, Pakistan cricket board has maintained minimal involvement in this issue. Strict orders were issued to not take action against these players until any evidence is recorded. Instead of playing an active role in analyzing the validity of evidences, PCB has taken aside once again losing its right to Scotland investigation team like Muhatrma’s Benazir’s murder. PCB could have attained the rights like Indian cricket board to solve and resolve the matter under its jurisdiction but it’s like PCB is rather the Pakistan board of any other sport than Cricket!

Let’s take a look at the role of media in this crisis. Pakistani media has maintained its stance to criticize its own players as if it gives them self satisfaction. Every government official, non-official, cricketer or ex-cricketer has taken the opportunity to come and criticize their players on camera. Instead of hoping for their clearance, every political animal, sports personality or news anchor seems to be emphasizing the ‘Anti-Patriotic’ act of these players. But what they don’t realize is that humiliating their national representatives on international media is itself an ‘Anti-Patriotic Act’.

On the top of it, our popular drama queen Veena Malik has taken the opportunity to take out grudges against Mohd. Asif by providing proofs of match fixing against him. In fact, she has gone aboard to give special interviews to Indian news channels for this purpose. As a NDTV reporter states “Then she tried to tell me that all matches are fixed. I don't know why she approached me. That's the question because I never called her," Dixit said. She claims that she was managing six to seven Pakistani cricketers and knew about their plans. But in this matter she forgets that she is accepting her involvement in this spot-fixing scandal herself!

No wonder these acts of indecency of our media and silence of PCB has opened gates of unwanted criticism for Pakistan by the world. Kapil Dev, an ex-Indian cricketer comments that people who can forge their country are not trustworthy at all. The British press releases news clipping about Pakistani cricketers saying “They are the poor relations of the (cricket) world when it comes to getting paid and so the temptation is there to supplement earnings. The fact the Pakistan players have been prevented from taking part in the lucrative IPL because of the poor relations between Pakistan and India doesn't assist in that matter."

Once let open, the international media doesn’t get satisfied by only criticizing the Pakistani World cup champs. In fact they want to whither their existence in the sports arena. Former ICC chief Malcolm Speed has claimed to ban Pakistani team’s existence in the cricket scenario. Former England captain Michael Vaughan said that he doesn’t see Pakistani team getting out of this one!...the list of such press releases and shameful comments can go on.

But the main point to reiterate here is that the branches carry fruits only if the root can bear the weight. Yes, the world doesn’t dare to mess with those who are strengthened from within. These scandals aren’t new, from Australia to India; almost every country’s team has been accused and alleged of such crimes. But none have been humiliated and planned to ‘banned’ from the cricket’s world. This is because their cricket boards took a stance to solve their matter within the system, their media supported their innocence and their politicians didn’t loathe their ‘anti-patriotic spirits’. I think once our country learns to take stand for its own people, no one in the world can harm us with their desperate attempts to disparage us as a nation!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Dream On...

Every person sometimes reaches a situation where there are no words to write & none to speak, the expressions and thoughts are too jumbled to display. Though it’s frustrating or nerve-reckoning but yes that’s the moment which makes us see the true us. Confused, withered, tired or boggled ‘us’ see ourselves clearly in this confusion. The blurred vision makes us see the dreams within us.

The dreams buried deep inside where nobody could reach them. Dreams; from small little desires to hardcore wishes which now seem like inert, unreachable and unachievable.

The fear of facing those unachieved desires hides them deep inside in a corner of the brain where no one…literally no one can reach them. But it’s you, who can open and face them. It never too late to rethink and live th

e moments you have always wanted to. Fame, fortune, money blah blah..maybe are unachievable for some. But it shouldn’t stop us from dreaming, since dreaming is not always about expressing yourself to the world rather sometimes it’s about expressing yourself to ‘yourself’.

So, dream and dream…dream about life and its small things which can make your day which eventually makes a small but treasured moment of your life. Take a moment of freedom from the books, machines, notebooks or laptops whatever you’re stuck in and:


Go and breathe the fresh air, the flowy breeze and the rusty leaves

Feel the rain drops on your palms as the sun dawns

Do the dance moves that are embarrassing

Take a second to splash in dirt....i know it's difficult but sometimes won't hurt

Make bubbles in your shake & don't care what sound it makes

Sing loudly, Louder and Louder...until you can't breathe

Your tonsils might burst & so will someone's ear...but you'll feel at ease

Don't you worry about the world...just the way it never does for you

Just Dream on...as it's time to introduce yourself to YOU!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Music: 'admiration or veneration'

Music gives us life and melody brings soul to it. Melody is everywhere, in the drizzling drops or the rustling autumn leaves, in the honking cars and in the heartbeat of each and every human. Music is the only medicine which takes humans into a trance like state. A state in which all one can see is the pictorial illustration of the lyrics and all one can feel is the rhythm with the thumping beat.

No wonder, music has become an essential to loosen ourselves from the daunting and hectic lives of today… and this ‘urge for music’ has given rise and power to the singers of today. Internationally ruling the charts and hearts of people, these top celebrities in fact have the strength to make or break a notion!

Songs, give birth to notions and every celebrity rises with a humongous fan following of his own ‘style’. The fandom these days reaches the pinnacle where people literally worship the star. These celebrities inspire and instigate the youth with their lavish lifestyles, provoking thoughts and exciting messages. Their thoughts, messages either open or subliminal are accepted since the youth is too naĂŻve to object. Further elaborating naĂŻve, these ‘devotees’ actually start living in the trance which the music and celebrity creates. Neither understanding the meaning nor the true significance, they just follow, proving the extremity of their ‘fanship’.

Now, focusing on the youth of Pakistan, where do we lie in this queue of this blind veneration?

We lie at the top!.. Totally intimidated by the celebrity power our youth has actually lost the power to understand before adoring. With complete adulation, our youngsters vouch to completely follow the footsteps of the foreigners. Each and everyone of us has a crush on one of those hot stars and we tap to their music. Rock, pop, R&B, soul, country, jazz etc. you just name it and even children will name the top most stars of these genres. But do we understand that how strong the impact of this unsighted devotion has been on our minds? Do we get the meaning of the song before putting it up as a status of facebook? Do we actually reckon the disrespect when we try to be as minimally dressed as Rihanna was in her video?

No! we don’t and infact we don’t pay a damn to such useless thoughts. Life is here and life is today! This is what we believe, but is this what our norms, values and religion has taught us? Our religion has treated this world only as an exam to pass for the world hereafter. Imagine an exam where we all know the answers taught us by the Almighty Allah, but still only a few etch the write steps to clear it. This is what we all do, we all know the answers but we seldom ponder because we have been brainwashed by the messages taught and conveyed to us by these celebrities.

Let’s, take a look at our lives now. Every girl wants to be ‘Material Girl’ and every boy wanders saying ‘It’s my life’. Awe struck by the ‘Good girl gone bad’ trauma we all want to be bad. We put black nail polishes and cat woman outfits to just copy the bad attitude and style. Every teenager sings ‘toxic’ and ‘piece of me’, without realizing that this is not what we were meant to be as Muslims and as Pakistanis. Listening to songs like ‘seduction’, ‘pump it’, shut up and drive’..we have transformed from the great humans to useless commodities which might appeal but seldom inspire.

We all want to be rockers, studs, hunks, hotties but do we ever desire to be the best person? Have we ever thought about those who gave birth to us?..No! When we don’t even think about the Almighty who created the world then why would we care about our parents? We say life is too short to be unhappy, so let’s have fun. But do we realize that life is also too short to make the Lord happy, so let’s start from today. Our minds have been jumbled and our focus has been busted. Our attention is only diverted to the present and we have forgotten about the judgment day. Thinking all day long about money, fame and fortune we rarely think about the values, norms and morals. With boys doing their maximum to cheat, disobey and be wild, do they actually become the shoulder of their old parents? And girls fishing for the attraction from the opposite sex… do we in fact gain respect and reverence anymore from the society? Our nation built and rendered as the representative of Islam..Will it survive the map with this level of indecency?

This article could go on for pages and pages, but bringing it to an end, the only thing I’d like to point out is that it’s high time to start thinking before we lose it all as a nation!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Sheer Hatred...Inspires!

Scorpions are defined as people who see the world in black and whites. Either they love or they hate, ‘Sheer’ is the word which defines or may be completes their emotions. Hatred or veneration, the two expressions encompassing the lifelong feelings these people possess. They sting, they bite or they protect, own and possess. It’s hard to hate someone even if he suffocates you to death. But it’s harder to adore rather hardness reaches impossibility.

Trust me…coz’ I’m a scorpion with a sting, myself! Absorbed in my self-proclaimed conceit I barely take out time to even like anyone. The probability of this improbable likeness can reach negativity..in numeric terms of course. It doesn’t mean that I hate everyone I meet rather it implies that it’s as difficult to get out of my ‘sheer hatred’ list as difficult it is to get in.

Imagine; when you hate someone so much that you can’t even take their name or you love someone so much that their name sticks to your tongue like a blister. But the issue is that you think and think, constantly and continuously about both. One thought about the extremity of admiration and the other about vengeance. These staunch thoughts scuttle your sense to differentiate between greys and whites.

With this philosophy of hate and love, a person becomes too stringent to ponder any further. Visualize, you have a list or division where everyone lies in a particular column. With everything defined and explained, with no intention of revisiting the credentials...you live in a world too rigid & beyond control.

Though appearing emotionless or rigorous, a person with such a strong head also thinks. Sometimes unwillingly a person like me also becomes awed with someone’s sensibility. Someone’s sensibility to observe, remark, scrutinize and think might also appeal as unmistakable and rational to me. Though lying in the hatred matrix of my listing, I might sense the sensitivity of the person behind the disgust I possess. The ability to look beneath the camouflages one hides under is certainly an ability which I think I’m blessed with. I might not like someone but I surely can appreciate the compassion and ability behind that person.

It might appear vague or irrational, that how a person who either loves or hates…also appreciates. But yes it happens; I appreciate the thoughts, the intellect and the passion of anyone. My sheer hatred or sheer admiration doesn’t get in my way when it comes to the sensibility. Because mostly the people I hate have the capability to challenge my thoughts. Call it self-obsession, arrogance or simply self love but people who can challenge my thoughts and divert my sensibility certainly inspire me. Inspire me to re-think and revisit the philosophies about life. They might be not likable or rather revulsion is the feeling that incurs for them. But inspiration which instigates respect is unavoidable for them. I might appear stern and harsh to everyone I hate, but the respect and reverence I possess for one’s intellect never gets over-powered by my personal vengeance.

Sometimes…Sheer Hatred…Inspires! J

 
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