I Carry This Joy in My Footsteps, Making My Way Back To You!

Have you ever felt the rush, the obsession and the ultimate desire to see someone at that moment ?...and then, without considering the circumstances… without wasting another second...with or without anyone else…..you ran and rushed to meet that one person?

If you haven’t, then you certainly are unfamiliar with the zest and vigor this urge adds to your body and mind. The thought of being with that one blurs any marks of fatigue from your forehead. The ‘peace’ you attain from meeting her definitely devalues the pains you go through to be with her!

As you start your journey, the distances appear to shrink and time begins to fly. With a pair of wings behind your arms, you fly through anything that comes your way….the colossal the difficulty of your path…the more you relish your journey!

When you have nothing but a notion of serenity you’ll feel, or the thought of the immense pleasure you’ll relive…. the adrenaline rush adds on until you are with the one you dream to be with!

Some might say its insanity, some might call it foolishness and others might even loathe you….but trust me, that feeling is something you’ll never experience again.

May be, this appears to be illogical to some or worthless to others. In fact I’ll call them jealous…jealous of what you possess…jealous of the strength which allows you to reach out to your limits and the gusto you have in your soul, which is extinct these days.

It can even hurt their egos and they may even go out of their ways to stop you. Out of sheer curiosity or revenge, they may put hurdles on your way….never abhor them in return because remember the more the hurdles, the better the journey!

When you reach your destination, the feeling you experience is exquisite….the mixed feeling of achievement and pleasure rejuvenates the spirit. The exhaustion vanishes and all you are left with is peace. What a beautiful word it is right; it’s rather a blend of love, serenity, achievement and ecstasy.I don’t know what the world says about this, at first glance this might appear childish or impulsive…but for me this is an expression of what I consider my love for my Mother….

For me peace is the state of mind when I’m around her and believe me I can come from any part of the world to be with her…

As Gloria Estefan says:

’ Wrapped in your arms where I’m peaceful….Back in your arms I can wander right to the heavens above me…I will do anything gladly, only to see you again!’

Unfathomable Love!

'Tere Ishq ki Inteha Chahta hun.....Meri Sadgi Dekh Kia Chahta hun'

Translation: 'I want to grasp the zenith of your love.....Look at my simplicity, i desire something unachievable'..By Allama Iqbal

Pink dress, red shoes, mascara on eyelashes and slick pouch in hand….. A wallet full of money, Brand new Rado Swiss watch, Levi’s T-shirt and a brand new shining car….. A perfect date and a perfect match for everyone!

People these days have an image of a perfect couple and perfect love which either exists or doesn’t.

But what we tend to ignore is that love is an emotion so gigantic and unfathomable that it is almost beyond your reach to define it in a few sentences or even thousands of pages.

As we refer to the ‘Metaphorical Love’ i.e. the love for the creation of God we tend to disregard the fact that there can be no perfect love. A walk on the beach or a candle light dinner neither defines love nor expresses it, as it could be mere attraction or profound affection.

We nowadays tend to ignore the deepness of true love which can be intense for us to handle. On one hand, the intensity of true love can take the form of passion and rule the world…on the other it can burn you if you deny it!

‘Ishq’ in Urdu, ‘Eshq’ in Persian and Unfathomable Love in English refers to a situation when love takes its root in the heart of a lover; everything other than God is effaced. This ‘Ishq’ is not just for a person or a commodity …it can be a feeling or the urge to do what you want to….it can be the emotion which provokes you to do what you yearn for!

We see people truly madly deeply in love for each other these days; from young teens to middle aged matures….the slogan of ‘love’ is on everyone’s tongue. But the claim this ‘love’ makes embarrasses the ‘Ishq’ which is filled with passion, obsession and compassion.

Love is not the attraction you feel for another one …it’s not about just the gender, person, beauty or the heartbeat… rather it’s the agonizing craving to just think of the one you love…..it’s the passion to do what you love…..it’s the fervor to either make or break the system for your beloved’s desire…..it’s the feeling of ecstasy that the much-loved exists!

When the love reaches the zenith, the existence of the world doesn’t matter. Let the ‘Love’ be; your passion to be something or the craving to adore someone… each time when veracious love strikes…the person feels the seventh heaven!

Once you’re completely drowned in ‘Ishq’ the distinction for the right or wrong might get obscured…but this ‘Love’ always does the wrong by hurting one’s self. The guilt might diminish if your precious doesn’t grasp the fervor of your love…..the denial of your beloved can be the demise of your existence……

Though many claimants of ‘Love’ exist today and the ones who taste ‘ecstasy’ are very few….but the fewer ones lives forever!

Revulsion or Frustration?

"Acquire inner peace and a multitude will find their salvation near you."

Catherine de Hueck Doherty

In a world of filth and dirt, we all live like a dog…clean the small space around our living area and leave the world around us as if it doesn’t exist. Loyal to only ourselves, all we care about is the life within our own shells.

This loyalty may make us harmful to others; the lust to be the best for ourselves may provoke us to devastate their strengths.

Though we don’t care for others, but we might loathe them for who they are… we despise them for their mere existence. This revulsion gives us the right to question the way they live and openly critique their lifestyle……or the right to bark at whoever we want to!

Their immoral behavior and unethical conduct makes us feel like angels…angels sent to pick and rectify the restless and depraved souls around us.

Drowned in the spirit of revolution, we transform our frustration into anger and pour this fury in their lives. What we don't realize is that our anger itself is the parasite feeding on our souls !

Instead of spreading peace and serenity, we end up creating a world with hatred and malevolence.

We cry out loud that we need peace, harmony and tranquility…but in fact we are the ones who deep down inside crave for discordance.

The clatter around us distracts the attention from our dissatisfied soul. All of us, eternally unhappy and unfulfilled, look for ways to blame someone for this discontent.

We moan over the world’s current condition…but we tend to disregard the part played by our fury in adding fuel to this fire of detestation, surrounding our world.

To appease the pain from outer world, we ought to abate the inner ferocity which we all go through.

The need of the hour is to clear our hearts and become satisfied with what we are. Looking at the unachieved will make things worse...so focus on the accomplished goals and dismiss the thoughts of failure and insecurity. As this change of focus will make you efficient enough to face the challenges with a rejuvenated spirit, while otherwise the baggage of disappointment will never let you grow and explore your own capabilities.

Once there is peace in our minds, the world will appear a little more radiant than before.

Hence,we won’t be able to pacify the world, until we overcome the inner racket of frustration and vengeance. Abandon the spirit of revenge or it would spread…spread like a fungus from your soul to the world around you.

Satisfaction....an improbable term will become probable if there is contentment within our spirit.

Intensity of Passion can exterminate your Soul...

Let not the coldness, sharpness or stiffness of a person fool you…every person, either as sharp as a brutal knife or as fragile as block of sand, has an inspirational figure in his or her life. This figure not only inspires him to breathe and live rather it can explain the meaning of life to him without saying a word. Mere presence of this figure leads to a surge of motivation, an electrical surge to stand up for whatever his motives are.

Some might assess this as a figure who is your partner in life but I would strongly negate this fact. It could be anyone, anyone from your mother to your neighbor, from your wife to your paper boy…anyone who inspires you to live and feel the soul within you!

But when the inspiration ignores your existence or doesn’t acknowledge your feelings…. it hurts. Have you ever imagined a scenario where this enlightening being not only ignores rather brutally negates your emotions?

You’re so helpless when your admiration is perceived as a source of pain & your expressions considered as cold as the frozen dead body kept in the refrigerator since its presence can terrify the near ones!!!

In the beginning you try and try harder to rectify and appease the situation but alas! Every attempt you make renders another mistake which is bigger….. Till, a time comes when all your efforts and hopes are crushed like rusty leaves crushed by ruthless pedestrians!

Why people see the expressions on your face or take your coldness as hatred? Why the world belittles the meanings behind small gestures?

They all can see the unemotional nature of a person but can’t understand the intensity of passion underneath that! Some people born with the inability to express are also born with the ability to love someone to the extreme… but why they exaggerate the former and ignore the latter!

One can survive if it’s the world who misinterprets your coldness as hatred….but the soul fades away if it’s the one who inspires you!

Sheer Hatred...Inspires!

Scorpions are defined as people who see the world in black and whites. Either they love or they hate, ‘Sheer’ is the word which defines or may be completes their emotions. Hatred or veneration, the two expressions encompassing the lifelong feelings these people possess. They sting, they bite or they protect, own and possess. It’s hard to hate someone even if he suffocates you to death. But it’s harder to adore rather hardness reaches impossibility.

Trust me…coz’ I’m a scorpion with a sting, myself! Absorbed in my self-proclaimed conceit I barely take out time to even like anyone. The probability of this improbable likeness can reach negativity..in numeric terms of course. It doesn’t mean that I hate everyone I meet rather it implies that it’s as difficult to get out of my ‘sheer hatred’ list as difficult it is to get in.

Imagine; when you hate someone so much that you can’t even take their name or you love someone so much that their name sticks to your tongue like a blister. But the issue is that you think and think, constantly and continuously about both. One thought about the extremity of admiration and the other about vengeance. These staunch thoughts scuttle your sense to differentiate between greys and whites.

With this philosophy of hate and love, a person becomes too stringent to ponder any further. Visualize, you have a list or division where everyone lies in a particular column. With everything defined and explained, with no intention of revisiting the credentials...you live in a world too rigid & beyond control.

Though appearing emotionless or rigorous, a person with such a strong head also thinks. Sometimes unwillingly a person like me also becomes awed with someone’s sensibility. Someone’s sensibility to observe, remark, scrutinize and think might also appeal as unmistakable and rational to me. Though lying in the hatred matrix of my listing, I might sense the sensitivity of the person behind the disgust I possess. The ability to look beneath the camouflages one hides under is certainly an ability which I think I’m blessed with. I might not like someone but I surely can appreciate the compassion and ability behind that person.

It might appear vague or irrational, that how a person who either loves or hates…also appreciates. But yes it happens; I appreciate the thoughts, the intellect and the passion of anyone. My sheer hatred or sheer admiration doesn’t get in my way when it comes to the sensibility. Because mostly the people I hate have the capability to challenge my thoughts. Call it self-obsession, arrogance or simply self love but people who can challenge my thoughts and divert my sensibility certainly inspire me. Inspire me to re-think and revisit the philosophies about life. They might be not likable or rather revulsion is the feeling that incurs for them. But inspiration which instigates respect is unavoidable for them. I might appear stern and harsh to everyone I hate, but the respect and reverence I possess for one’s intellect never gets over-powered by my personal vengeance.

Sometimes…Sheer Hatred…Inspires! J

Precious!

A Saturday afternoon, sometimes leaves one with a lot to ponder and deliberate about. Deliberate about those thoughts which were buried in the sub conscious or the relations which were always taken for granted. Deliberate about the shackles which were never felt or the imprisonment that was imposed without a prison!
This Saturday gave me a lot to muse as well, as I made a cup of coffee to sip during my utter boredom. I smiled, laughed, cried and even talked to myself without realizing about the hours that passed by. The moments spent with myself, gave me a lot to criticize and praise about my own existence. My life, just an ordinary piece of story suddenly seemed astounding to me. Amazed by my own emotions and passions, I comprehended my life as a tale not too meaningless!
What is it that gives meaning to it? Is it the motion which keeps me going or the passion to keep discovering?
These questions occasionally get answered when you dig the subconscious concealed by the apparently rational conscious. When you forget to sip the coffee you made out of ultimate boredom or forget what to write with your hands on the keyboard, it’s the time when the subconscious takes over. Though people criticize Freud, but my staunch support for the subconscious will never be withered.
Moving on with my self-discovery moments, yes I discovered a lot. A lot of queries, thoughts came up but when I closed my eyes nothing else but a figure came to my mind. The imprint was so strong that I could draw it even with my closed eyes. Who was it who gave meaning to my life and kept my soul alive? Was it an angel or an average person?
As the imprint grew stronger, I started to recognize the facial features. The features of an angel camouflaged in a human body. It was she, the one who has always wrapped me in her angelic feathers to save me from the abrasions of the world. It was she whose security cushion could get me through the toughest the world has to offer. It was, is and will always be my Mother!
My Ami! The one who kept my soul saved from scattering in the space, who made my life a worthwhile experience and gave meaning to it. I had never thought that it was the sheer existence of Ami which could explain the spirit of life underneath my actions. Each and every moment spent with her is a precious pearl safely treasured by the river of subconscious. The thought of her mere presence can give me the sense of pleasure I can never feel for anything else. When she isn’t around the idea of her charisma can brighten up my day.
I want to achieve a lot of money, career, passion…but all of this is significant only with her magnetic soul. I indeed! Treasure every moment spent with her or spent with the idea of being with her as my life can have an impact only with her existence.

Thus, I treasure all my thoughts connected to my Ami as she is the source of life for my innately dissatisfied soul!

Foundation of relationships: Trust or Distrust?

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy” Walter Anderson
Life revolves around either those you love or those you don’t. The foundation of love is trust and the foundation of hatred is distrust.
Human beings are born bonded, trapped and webbed in relationships. These bonds are strong and inflexible. Once these relations are clearly defined, begins the true tale of struggle. Struggle to satisfy your loved ones, to come up to their expectations, the effort to never lose the faith they have in you. Your whole life begins to twist and twine around them. Each and every second spent is a moment with fear of being left alone by those whom you love and the fear of uncertainty. This fear of betrayal makes the insatiable human to search for more. And then you wander and look for friends. Friends who without any conditions, any expectations share your sorrows and cherish your company. But the key to friendship is unfortunately also trust. You trust your friends, believe their each and every word and spend the best moments of your life with them. But the fear of being betrayed remains, the fear of being alone in the dark, of being left out and the key to this fear is distrust.
Again human nature takes a step further to eradicate this fear and there begins the search of that someone special. You leave those who love you in the search of love. Search of someone who will give you respect, will support you throughout your life and trust you for whatever you do. But the tarnished human nature strikes again in the form of infidelity for someone more lovable than the one we have. This time opposite sex attracts for an unknown reason and you blindly follow. The trust is broken and this time we name our uncontrollable desires as true love.
Thus we spend our whole life searching for someone to hold our scattered life together. We define different terms to make new relations and also to break the old ones. But in this struggle to find someone dependable what we are left with are only some broken hearts, horrifying memories and abraded souls. The search of fidelity when combined with human’s treacherous mind just leaves marks of distrust which accompany us till we perish.