The Baggage!

Imagine waking up in the middle of the night by hearing what you just said out loud ‘unknowingly’ while you were asleep….

No it doesn’t imply that you are a ghost or you are a maniac! Then what is it? Is it the shrillness of your voice or the amplitude of its frequency? Is it the doors stumbling behind your back or the windows just shattered? ……Its none of those too..

It’s more the web of thoughts in your brain which crunches your power to relax, your mind is grumbling and regurgitating the events that just passed by.

People call me self obsessed, self conceited or sometimes psychic but I’m hundred percent sure that we all are that at one place or point in our life.

Everything in my life seems to be jumbled up in a big baggage lying at the corner of my mind. This baggage as heavy as the white whale in a small canal can move the world around you with a mere movement. It leaves no opportunity to exploit your thoughts and hinder your every step. The moment you are about to have fun or make a decision, the worst memory of your life will come up and destroy it all!

Making new friends? And the baggage would show you your worst friendship disasters…spending time with friends? What about the parents you left at home?, the baggage strikes again!...the moment you realize that yes you are meant to have fun is the moment reality shows you the biggest mistakes you have ever made.

People say ‘Learn from your mistakes’ but all that it gives me is; regret, sorrow, embarrassment and a refreshed feeling of humiliation. I thought of myself as a highly practical, emotionless rather ruthless, selfish, fun loving and manipulative modern woman. A woman of substance and pure diligence! But I ended up realizing that I’m just the opposite. Exact opposite, I get impractical when it comes to my mom, I get literally mindless when I decide the payoffs and yes I cry too!..i cry on tiny things like falling on the ground and I value little moments like my mom’s message or my sister’s chocolate as if I’m like just another emotional fool. And the word fun doesn’t even exist in my dictionary since I’m never satisfied with the present condition and I always think and repent for what I could have done.

Sometimes my mind get so pumped that I lose the capacity to control the words popping out of my mouth. I speak things which are irrelevant or rude or ambiguous..but it seems like my mind actually exploded those words out! Asleep or awake, this trauma never ends and I speak whatever comes to my mouth.

Control it or hide it, the baggage always makes its way through to express, annoy and exploit!No it doesn’t imply that you are a ghost or you are a maniac! Then what is it? Is it the shrillness of your voice or the amplitude of its frequency? Is it the doors stumbling behind your back or the windows just shattered? ……Its none of those too..

It’s more the web of thoughts in your brain which crunches your power to relax, your mind is grumbling and regurgitating the events that just passed by.

People call me self obsessed, self conceited or sometimes psychic but I’m hundred percent sure that we all are that at one place or point in our life.

Everything in my life seems to be jumbled up in a big baggage lying at the corner of my mind. This baggage as heavy as the white whale in a small canal can move the world around you with a mere movement. It leaves no opportunity to exploit your thoughts and hinder your every step. The moment you are about to have fun or make a decision, the worst memory of your life will come up and destroy it all!

Making new friends? And the baggage would show you your worst friendship disasters…spending time with friends? What about the parents you left at home?, the baggage strikes again!...the moment you realize that yes you are meant to have fun is the moment reality shows you the biggest mistakes you have ever made.

People say ‘Learn from your mistakes’ but all that it gives me is; regret, sorrow, embarrassment and a refreshed feeling of humiliation.

I thought of myself as a highly practical, emotionless rather ruthless, selfish, fun loving and manipulative modern woman. A woman of substance and pure diligence! But I ended up realizing that I’m just the opposite. Exact opposite, I get impractical when it comes to my mom, I get literally mindless when I decide the payoffs and yes I cry too!..i cry on tiny things like falling on the ground and I value little moments like my mom’s message or my sister’s chocolate as if I’m like just another emotional fool. And the word fun doesn't even exist in my dictionary since I’m never satisfied with the present condition and I always think and repent for what I could have done.

Sometimes my mind get so pumped that I lose the capacity to control the words popping out of my mouth. I speak things which are irrelevant or rude or ambiguous..but it seems like my mind actually exploded those words out! Asleep or awake, this trauma never ends and I speak whatever comes to my mouth.

Control it or hide it, the baggage always paves its way through to express, annoy and exploit!