True Colors Will Bleed!

Look at your eyes … do you see the greed that insinuates your inner lust?

Those hands you wash everyday…but you can’t run away from the stains of the horseplay which reminds you of your enmity!

Don’t you feel the burden on your shoulders?.....it’s the burden of your guilt which forces you to taste the blame for your sheer insatiability!

It’s difficult to walk the distance anymore….coz your feet are heavy with the hostility.

We count the moments we spend by adding the successes and subtracting failures. The colorful spectrum of life is translated and transformed in the shades of black and white through the lens of our animosity.

We call our angels only when they can salvage us, we conform to our morals only when they can guard us……as soon as our deficiencies are fulfilled, we call back our ‘Demons’ in the name of ‘obligation’. But don’t you feel the remorse for what you do in the name of life? The hypocrite you play to your own saviors?....coz when they need you, you aren’t there when their world is at the verge of demolition….. you push them when they reach out their hands for you to pull!

Every second we go through the feeling of despair and desperation, led by our own vows to be a loyal money maker…

The devil which abhors your soul and worships your immorality will take over …One day, it will remind you how wrong you were in letting your soul slip away so easily from your hands!....When it tried to clench your hands, you pushed it away….when it came in your dreams, you preferred to become an intentional insomniac… at last it breathed it last, while you were playing the game you call ‘Life’….

Though the black seems interesting and the white appears attractive…but one day you’ll cry for the true colors of morality you didn’t see. The color blindness is still less painful than the inner death you’ll experience with every moment passing by. Your suffering won’t be in the disease or the pain you get from it, rather the noise from your horrifying past will kill your will to live.

Money you will have it, fame you might earn it, love may be you’ll get lucky.....but Contentment? ...........Never!

Revulsion or Frustration?

"Acquire inner peace and a multitude will find their salvation near you."

Catherine de Hueck Doherty

In a world of filth and dirt, we all live like a dog…clean the small space around our living area and leave the world around us as if it doesn’t exist. Loyal to only ourselves, all we care about is the life within our own shells.

This loyalty may make us harmful to others; the lust to be the best for ourselves may provoke us to devastate their strengths.

Though we don’t care for others, but we might loathe them for who they are… we despise them for their mere existence. This revulsion gives us the right to question the way they live and openly critique their lifestyle……or the right to bark at whoever we want to!

Their immoral behavior and unethical conduct makes us feel like angels…angels sent to pick and rectify the restless and depraved souls around us.

Drowned in the spirit of revolution, we transform our frustration into anger and pour this fury in their lives. What we don't realize is that our anger itself is the parasite feeding on our souls !

Instead of spreading peace and serenity, we end up creating a world with hatred and malevolence.

We cry out loud that we need peace, harmony and tranquility…but in fact we are the ones who deep down inside crave for discordance.

The clatter around us distracts the attention from our dissatisfied soul. All of us, eternally unhappy and unfulfilled, look for ways to blame someone for this discontent.

We moan over the world’s current condition…but we tend to disregard the part played by our fury in adding fuel to this fire of detestation, surrounding our world.

To appease the pain from outer world, we ought to abate the inner ferocity which we all go through.

The need of the hour is to clear our hearts and become satisfied with what we are. Looking at the unachieved will make things worse...so focus on the accomplished goals and dismiss the thoughts of failure and insecurity. As this change of focus will make you efficient enough to face the challenges with a rejuvenated spirit, while otherwise the baggage of disappointment will never let you grow and explore your own capabilities.

Once there is peace in our minds, the world will appear a little more radiant than before.

Hence,we won’t be able to pacify the world, until we overcome the inner racket of frustration and vengeance. Abandon the spirit of revenge or it would spread…spread like a fungus from your soul to the world around you.

Satisfaction....an improbable term will become probable if there is contentment within our spirit.

Intensity of Passion can exterminate your Soul...

Let not the coldness, sharpness or stiffness of a person fool you…every person, either as sharp as a brutal knife or as fragile as block of sand, has an inspirational figure in his or her life. This figure not only inspires him to breathe and live rather it can explain the meaning of life to him without saying a word. Mere presence of this figure leads to a surge of motivation, an electrical surge to stand up for whatever his motives are.

Some might assess this as a figure who is your partner in life but I would strongly negate this fact. It could be anyone, anyone from your mother to your neighbor, from your wife to your paper boy…anyone who inspires you to live and feel the soul within you!

But when the inspiration ignores your existence or doesn’t acknowledge your feelings…. it hurts. Have you ever imagined a scenario where this enlightening being not only ignores rather brutally negates your emotions?

You’re so helpless when your admiration is perceived as a source of pain & your expressions considered as cold as the frozen dead body kept in the refrigerator since its presence can terrify the near ones!!!

In the beginning you try and try harder to rectify and appease the situation but alas! Every attempt you make renders another mistake which is bigger….. Till, a time comes when all your efforts and hopes are crushed like rusty leaves crushed by ruthless pedestrians!

Why people see the expressions on your face or take your coldness as hatred? Why the world belittles the meanings behind small gestures?

They all can see the unemotional nature of a person but can’t understand the intensity of passion underneath that! Some people born with the inability to express are also born with the ability to love someone to the extreme… but why they exaggerate the former and ignore the latter!

One can survive if it’s the world who misinterprets your coldness as hatred….but the soul fades away if it’s the one who inspires you!

Precious!

A Saturday afternoon, sometimes leaves one with a lot to ponder and deliberate about. Deliberate about those thoughts which were buried in the sub conscious or the relations which were always taken for granted. Deliberate about the shackles which were never felt or the imprisonment that was imposed without a prison!
This Saturday gave me a lot to muse as well, as I made a cup of coffee to sip during my utter boredom. I smiled, laughed, cried and even talked to myself without realizing about the hours that passed by. The moments spent with myself, gave me a lot to criticize and praise about my own existence. My life, just an ordinary piece of story suddenly seemed astounding to me. Amazed by my own emotions and passions, I comprehended my life as a tale not too meaningless!
What is it that gives meaning to it? Is it the motion which keeps me going or the passion to keep discovering?
These questions occasionally get answered when you dig the subconscious concealed by the apparently rational conscious. When you forget to sip the coffee you made out of ultimate boredom or forget what to write with your hands on the keyboard, it’s the time when the subconscious takes over. Though people criticize Freud, but my staunch support for the subconscious will never be withered.
Moving on with my self-discovery moments, yes I discovered a lot. A lot of queries, thoughts came up but when I closed my eyes nothing else but a figure came to my mind. The imprint was so strong that I could draw it even with my closed eyes. Who was it who gave meaning to my life and kept my soul alive? Was it an angel or an average person?
As the imprint grew stronger, I started to recognize the facial features. The features of an angel camouflaged in a human body. It was she, the one who has always wrapped me in her angelic feathers to save me from the abrasions of the world. It was she whose security cushion could get me through the toughest the world has to offer. It was, is and will always be my Mother!
My Ami! The one who kept my soul saved from scattering in the space, who made my life a worthwhile experience and gave meaning to it. I had never thought that it was the sheer existence of Ami which could explain the spirit of life underneath my actions. Each and every moment spent with her is a precious pearl safely treasured by the river of subconscious. The thought of her mere presence can give me the sense of pleasure I can never feel for anything else. When she isn’t around the idea of her charisma can brighten up my day.
I want to achieve a lot of money, career, passion…but all of this is significant only with her magnetic soul. I indeed! Treasure every moment spent with her or spent with the idea of being with her as my life can have an impact only with her existence.

Thus, I treasure all my thoughts connected to my Ami as she is the source of life for my innately dissatisfied soul!

My Angels!

When I was young and vulnerable, my hands were small and fingers like ladyfingers. I was afraid of sleeping alone at night and my heart pounded when I saw a horror film. I couldn’t take a step outside my home since I was to naïve to cross the road.
The world was colossal for me to handle, but yet my world was a little wonder like a fairytale. A wonder where there were four fairies, yes! They existed and they exist even now to protect me from the ruthless world.
The first one to hold my hand was the Fairy Godmother, who held my hand, clenched my fingers when the world was not even visible. She watched me over when I was alone, loved me like a princess sitting on her throne. She fulfilled my wishes and I called her my Grandmother. In her hands there was love and affection, all she needed to do was touch me with her hands and make me secure.
We went outside to discover and if I fell she helped me recover. I still remember the ducks we used to feed with my Jam toast and the parks we used to stopover. She took me for a walk though I was ten times slower than her. She fought my tiny battles and never let me down. My desires were fulfilled without even a bit of hesitation and my tears were as precious as pearls due to her presence.

She was there, there and there and everywhere! To make my life a small heaven with

laughter and glee ubiquitously!

Then I started growing up, like a star of her eyes. I was like a princess, a doll treated with the greatest affection by them all. I never thought she’d leave me alone, never imagined the loss when she was gone. I was too little to realize that she was no more, rather just thought she was asleep. My mom, sisters and aunts cried and I just wandered without recognizing the precious gift of nature I had lost. She was ill I knew it well, but I was unfamiliar to the meaning of death. Now I think, how painful she must’ve felt, leaving those who she brought up behind, going to a world which for us is still undefined.

The second fairy is my other Fairy Godmother who took the pain even beyond imagination to give birth to a naïve little twerp like me!
She comforted me in her shelter, with her soft arms wrapped around my body to give me the blanket of coziness irreplaceable by any blanket in the world. She was, is and will always be the best Mom present in the world. She didn’t sleep for hours if I had a little fever. With her sleepless eyes she greeted me with the same fresh smile once again. Her eyes are enough to make my life bright and her one kiss can make my day.
She worked hours to please my massive appetite and record my favorite cartoons. She spent days to sew the best frock I could wear and brag about among other children. I can recall the weeks I took off from school with an excuse of “not feeling like going to school”, requesting her to let me not give the exams and taking money from her while she was on the phone. She never turned and scolded me for all the blunders I made, never stood on head checking my homework, she trusts me for whatever I did and still do and I love her for her existence!
Her mere presence can bring luck to my life, her eyes shine and they make me smile. Without her prayer, I believe I’m nothing but a piece of flesh without life. Drinking tea, talking life and discussing issues with her seems to fill my life, which is an empty bag of rubbish without her. She is there and this feeling is enough to make me face anything that comes my way,

Mama, I just don’t have words to express my gratitude to you for being my mom!

The next two fairies are my two junior fairy Godmothers! One is like a roof, which saves me from all the cruelties that life has to throw at me and the other one is like the four walls, which surround me and keep me alive!
I call them my sisters, both make me laugh, one takes me to places to discover the world and the other one makes me feel like a kid whose every little desire should and will be fulfilled.
I remember those times when I took their lunches away just because I was younger they didn’t say a word. We played and wrestled; they lost the race to make me feel proud of my stamina.

They took me outside to buy me ice creams and do my school homework. At the end of summer vacation the whole family used to sit and fill my homework copies. My art handworks were hand made by them lolzz! Life was amazing.
One used to clean the house and dance with me while the other taught me how to drive and dance in the rain outside. I spent days thinking that they were ghosts because they ran faster than me. And while playing hide n’ seek they will hide in the easiest place possible or sometimes right in front of me.
Now when we have passed the days of our childhood, I still feel as secure with their presence like pillars around me. They stand by me like two angels to protect and help me in my every matter. In times of sorrow I get confused to cry on which shoulder because by Allah’s grace I have many options to choose from!

These fairies have made my life like a small heaven on earth rather; my life is due to their presence. I don’t need pretty friends, best friends or even boyfriends because I have these four pretty ladies around me. Although my Grandma is gone but I know she is still around me, ready to guide me through thick and thin, I feel her presence whenever I am exalted and I sense her tears whenever I cry. My mother is there to help, guide, support and bless me with her heartfelt feelings, She makes me feel alive and a moment spent without her is a moment without life and soul. My sisters are here around me; I feel their arms around my shoulders and hands held tight whenever I need someone. They make me smile in the weirdest situations and teach me what life has taught them.
Thus, they all are the comfort zones, which protect me from the rashes of life, and keep my soul as soft as they can. They are the sheaths, which take all the pain to make my life painless.

Yes they are my Angels!!!