I Carry This Joy in My Footsteps, Making My Way Back To You!

Have you ever felt the rush, the obsession and the ultimate desire to see someone at that moment ?...and then, without considering the circumstances… without wasting another second...with or without anyone else…..you ran and rushed to meet that one person?

If you haven’t, then you certainly are unfamiliar with the zest and vigor this urge adds to your body and mind. The thought of being with that one blurs any marks of fatigue from your forehead. The ‘peace’ you attain from meeting her definitely devalues the pains you go through to be with her!

As you start your journey, the distances appear to shrink and time begins to fly. With a pair of wings behind your arms, you fly through anything that comes your way….the colossal the difficulty of your path…the more you relish your journey!

When you have nothing but a notion of serenity you’ll feel, or the thought of the immense pleasure you’ll relive…. the adrenaline rush adds on until you are with the one you dream to be with!

Some might say its insanity, some might call it foolishness and others might even loathe you….but trust me, that feeling is something you’ll never experience again.

May be, this appears to be illogical to some or worthless to others. In fact I’ll call them jealous…jealous of what you possess…jealous of the strength which allows you to reach out to your limits and the gusto you have in your soul, which is extinct these days.

It can even hurt their egos and they may even go out of their ways to stop you. Out of sheer curiosity or revenge, they may put hurdles on your way….never abhor them in return because remember the more the hurdles, the better the journey!

When you reach your destination, the feeling you experience is exquisite….the mixed feeling of achievement and pleasure rejuvenates the spirit. The exhaustion vanishes and all you are left with is peace. What a beautiful word it is right; it’s rather a blend of love, serenity, achievement and ecstasy.I don’t know what the world says about this, at first glance this might appear childish or impulsive…but for me this is an expression of what I consider my love for my Mother….

For me peace is the state of mind when I’m around her and believe me I can come from any part of the world to be with her…

As Gloria Estefan says:

’ Wrapped in your arms where I’m peaceful….Back in your arms I can wander right to the heavens above me…I will do anything gladly, only to see you again!’

Clashes!

‘An appallingly unfriendly, cold, superficial and egoistic individual’ is the way most of the ‘men’ define me. They think I have a hell lot of attitude and I treat them like ….!
This horrible explanation of course shocks me and provokes me to rectify this crime, which I commit in my every interaction somehow!
So I decided to sincerely appraise the situation!
Skimming through the horrifying memories of the past I realized that almost 99.99999 percent of the times, I had CLASHES! Yes collisions with all the men I ever encountered. But the main issue is why? Why didn’t I end up being their friend just like everyone else?
The first issue could be that I’m a huge fan of a Feminist’s approach. May be I, implying a lot of modernist’s theories on men and when not getting the satisfactory response end up fighting. But when I intensely analyzed the situation, I found that it was not a true justification. Since I never implied my theories to my professional meetings. Though it doesn’t lower the theories’ merit or their status rather I never mix my professionalism with sentimentalism.
The second point could be that I was innately rude with an inborn attitude issue. Though the latter could be true but innate impertinence should have hurdled my friendships with anyone, isn’t it? And if that’s the case then it would be a ‘hasty generalization’ since I have a wholesome number of ‘female friends’ who find me superbly affable. Thus, this assumption could be easily negated.
Then as a student who has taken ‘human behavior’, my utmost duty is to examine this phenomenon a little more deeply. And after reviewing many hypothesis lets examine the premises through ‘social psychology’s perspective’.
Before getting to the premises I must define myself as a person first. As a girl I have always been accused of being tomboyish because of my unethical attitude with the color pink. My self-confidence has been misconstrued as over confidence because I never compromise on my rules and limits. And additionally others have acclaimed me as an egoistic woman because I believe in not accepting the mistakes I never committed!
After considering all the above attributes ‘social psychology’ explains my conflicts with the opposite sex as “Ego Clashes”. I.e. these clashes are not the fruits of my ultimate ‘insolence’ rather my self-love mistaken as narcissism hurts them internally.
Their ego is flattened by my indifferent attitude, which compels them to create artificial conflicts with me. These conflicts may be gets them the amount of attention that they think they deserve. But when they still remain futile in making me accept their dominance, they start over with being over nice.
The over nice attitude is always a sight to enjoy! Trying to get their self-esteem satisfied they in fact end up losing it a little more. Then comes in the extra-rude attitude, which is the most entertaining part. In this last shot they try to use their ‘ definitive power’ to screw anything which could benefit me. They might be successful sometimes in using their deviated political arms to hurt me and could end up in making me suffer to an extent.
But they can never break my Ego because it’s stronger than theirs. I’m ready to suffer whatever comes in my way in order to maintain my Self-respect and Yes! These collisions strengthen me a little more!

The color Pink!

"The feminine woman is forever static and childlike. She is like the ballerina in an old music box, her unchanging features tiny and girlish, her voice tinkly, her body stuck on a pin rotating in a spiral that will never grow" By Susan Faludi

For the past 18 years, I have been taught as a girl to be shy, honest, loving, caring and at the top silent. Loving as a human but silent as a commodity, a commodity which serves and serves and nothing is there which in return it deserves.
The atmosphere, the environment, the movies, and the relatives all guided me to be a subordinate because I’m a girl. A girl who studies to serve, marries to serve and who if earns is also to serve, her life should be spent to make others happy no matter what she gets as an outcome.
And the most weird thing is that I followed these norms, the norms of the so called experienced, the norms made from but against religion. The norms which sometimes make our women feel not human. I followed them blindly like every girl does in our society. I played with dolls, made houses, dreamed about pink dresses and tried to be a master chef. I didn’t care if this was what I wanted to do, didn’t bother if my instincts, my passions were suppressed somewhere dying to perspire.
Then I passed school, went to college but life didn’t change. Same old girls obsessed with the way they look externally. I began life there with an effort to pursue admiration for beauty, clothes, jewelry and desire to look the way they did. I forced to live a life where no body will call me a manly woman.
But as the time passed by I realized that I’m not one of them. Not the one who loves jewelry, who wears pretty bright clothes and certainly not the one who looks at the eyelashes and complexion rather than the real soul and expression. And yes! That was the time I discovered myself. I didn’t love the color pink, I didn’t wish to live a fairytale and find my prince charming who will climb up my braided hair. I wanted a life filled with adventures; I wished to explore my inner self. I’m not an object to be dressed and utilized rather I’m a full-fledged member of the human community. That was the time I started following my dreams.
Since then I have been challenging myself at every point of life and testing my stamina to the maximum. When people see me deviating from the stereotypical “girlish” standards they call me manly, when I cut my hair they call me insane, my efforts of independence are seen as obsolete by them. Thus they try hard to break my confidence and make me feeble. But I can see the hidden fear in them, fear that one day I will discover those strengths that every woman is supposed to repress, fear that my denial will encourage others to breakthrough these shackles of rules webbed around us. But don’t mistake this as my desire to break my religion rather it’s an effort to rule out those norms made in the name of religion.
I’m neither a feminist nor a member of male hatred community instead I like to have my share of space in the world, the space that every woman deserves just like any man. Briefly, I do whatever I feel like doing instead of whatever others want me to do. And if after going through this article you find me tomboyish or a manly woman then surely you’re influenced deeply by those stereotypes created by our ancestors to degrade anyone who dares to survive in this wretched world.